I have no joy, no drive, no direction. I tried to make smart decisions and I thought that they would lead to happiness but have done just the opposite. I am filled with sadness and intense pain. I have never felt this way and I never wish this upon anyone else. I am consumed by negativity and fear. All I want to do is sleep and weep. I want so badly to curl into a ball on my mothers couch.
Have you ever loved someone so much, so intensly that every thought that crossed your mind was lined with them? Your every breath for them, every decision that you make is made with them in mind it is made in hopes that it will significantly better your future together?
My love for my husband is so intense that the most painful thing that I have ever experienced is him going through the most painful time in his life. I have failed him.
He doesn’t believe that he deserves to be loved and he doesn’t believe that I love him. I have failed as a wife and as a best friend? I have failed. Can I call myself a wife any longer?
I am so sorry my dear. I’m trying to fix it, I just don’t know how. I’m trying.
